跑

我爱跑步。

前面有人，就奋力去追；后面有人，就奋力抛开。

前面是目标，后面是经验，不管目标有多远，我只管追，身上的经历和体验，能让我更强。

向前冲，冠军只有一个，我已习惯成为一个失败的人。

失败不是最恶，最恶是没勇气，至少我奋斗过，我会勇往直前。

我从没后悔。

Thoughts worth thinking

What have we learned from the past?

The Earth sent its second warning, people are struggling and Malaysians are posting status updates.

We are too defenseless, staying in the comfort zone. What would happen if Sumatera is not standing between us and the Indian Ocean.

The Japanese, on the other hand, had learned a lot from the disaster last year. Safety is always the first issue that cross their thoughts and we are here posting status update.

What if the tsunami really hit us?

Developed nation? But where's the first class mentality?

The missing identity

Sometimes, I'm confused about myself.

Being trained as a long distance runner by my first coach, I was chosen to take hurdles by my second coach. I was the long distance runner, hurdler and relay racer for my secondary school team.

When I entered the university, I lost my strength and stamina. At some point, I nearly gave up, I've been running on the wrong type of shoes and having knee problems. I found new hope in myself after trying on Nike Air and is currently a Nike Lunar user. I started to enjoy running again.

When I've decided to extend my long distance running to marathon, I got a call from Sports Centre that I was selected as a track and field athlete. My third coach (although I think he doesn't qualified) told me that I'm a sprinter, I argued and he insisted. Due to team requirement, I need to do middle distance which is 400 metres.

I begin to think if I need to play different roles at different stages of life. If I really need to do so I am ready because we don't get to decide on many things in life. We have to evolve and adapt to situations.

Tolerance

The largest space in the world is not the universe but the heart. And yet it is also the smallest.

I'm curious about my tolerance when I'm under pressure.

I felt extremely calm standing at the starting line with national athletes at the adjacent lanes, telling myself that I have nothing to lose.

I took deep breath while reading through the exam questions not knowing how to answer, knowing in the end I can figure it out.

I smiled while answering questions during thesis seminar, knowing that I'm that lecturer's least favourite student.

I learn to always prepare for the worst and after that good things will come to me. It has to do with all the psychology knowledge learnt from my first coach. I'm so glad that I acquire this skill which help me conquer many mission impossible with great endurance and mental strength.

The largest space in the world is not the universe but the heart. And yet it is also the smallest. Your maturity sets the size of your heart.

I'm ready

This is the time when everyone is busy preparing for their final exams. As for me, I have an extra homework to do, that's Hitachi Young Leaders Initiative.

When I was young, I always wanted to contribute something to the country, to represent the country in sports but I never expect to carry Malaysia in this forum.

I'm absolutely excited about HYLI and it has made me a more confident and out-going person. It's a wonderful experience for me to see the world and letting the world to see Malaysia too. Therefore, I know I have to perform to my level best and make Malaysia proud.

Yes, I'm ready!

To the next destination

Things start to settle as the semester comes to an end. But the journey call life will never stop.

This week is the week I've been waiting for. Time to think of some of the stupid decisions I've made. I need to become more mature.

I haven't decide on my next destination although Petronas has path the route for me. Many keep asking me why do I want to let go of the chance to do PHD straight away. If my future is not planned ahead then perhaps I would choose to become an academician, just like my parents.

Perhaps a Dr

Perhaps an Ir

Perhaps a DTM

Perhaps a Miss
Perhaps...perhaps... Life is always full of choices and there is no right or wrong to each.

And perhaps, it would be better if I focus on what to do NOW. And let time lead me to the next destination.

Terms and condition applied

Some acquaintance, we met and we said 'good bye!'

some friendship last a few days, like those I've met in camps.

some friendship shatter through time,

some just couldn't go deeper,

some worth sharing my heart

and some last forever.

We know that we are born with weaknesses, we learn to accept. But acceptance has its limit when we abuse it. I wonder why my heart volume is so variable for different people, sometimes it changes with time.

I am nice to all who enter my life, but not all leave with smile.

Friendship is not measured by the years we had nor by fun we had. I don't have a definition for friendship as anyone who makes my feel better than being alone is my friend, just don't hurt me.

'Words' can be 'sword' when you misplace it, stubbing right into my heart. After all the wounds, I can still be your friend but with terms and condition applied as my pierced heart will not be that strong again.

Help

One can have many friends but not many helpers.

One's life is written by itself.

Help will not always come to it.

If you want to know who is being helpful to you, put yourself into something that others are better at. You will learn who is being a helpful friend to you.

But never give up when there is no help. As you are the factor to determine success. Even when there is no help, you can help yourself.

This is life. You decide on what you want to become.

And people will look at you differently when you do succeed.

legendary athlete from my eyes

'Legend' means one that inspires legends or achieve legendary fame. In sports, world legends are often named for athletes who have won championship titles or made great contributions to sports and other athletes. In my opinion, not all world champions deserve the word 'Legend'. I have paid lots of interest in sports since young and I would say that my active life is very much inspired by some athletes who earned my respect as 'legendary athletes'.

Yelena Isinbayeva, the lady who always strives to go beyond the limits. Being the first woman to clear 5 meter height in pole vault, she is in the class of her own by breaking 27 world records and completely unbeatable from 2004-2009. I wonder how she can stay focus and handle the pressure as top athlete while delivering flawless jumps in every competition.

Lance Armstrong, the man who rise from the bottom of his life to win Tour de France for 7 consecutive years. He was a testicular cancer survivor and he had certainly inspired many cancer patience that 'it's not the end of your life when you are diagnosed with cancer'. He is a positive thinker and never take impossible as his answer.

The journey called life

When I was 10, I wished I can grow more in inches.

I was the shortest among my friends. I entered standard 5 and often got teased for my height. All I did was to smile and pretend that they were just joking with me, not laughing at me.

When I was 13, I wished I can grow more in courage.

I was over confident for a race and I was defeated despite it was an all out run. I laid on the grass, tears bursting out and I wondered. Why I couldn't take that failure. What's worse than losing to others is to lose to yourself.

When I was 14, I wished I can grow more in strength.

I won 800m and 1500m and I was just short of one more victory to claim the best female athlete. I failed. I was just not strong enough. I took failure with calm and humble.

When I was 16, I wished I can grow more in confidence.

I never believed I won the title which I've been fighting for years.

When I was 18, I wished I can grow more in leadership.

I wanted to help my coach when I returned to the school team. They lost the year after I finished Form 5. I wanted to boost their spirit, I should be their leader. But I wasn't good enough.

When I was 20, I wished I can grow more in effectiveness.

Laziness has no cure. My lay-back personality must be changed. I need better self management.

I realised that I chase after different things in different stages of my life. In the end, I need lots and lots of wisdom. This is life, journeyed by my feet, authored by my hands. What I have in mind---keep going, you will never know what's around the corner until you reach there. Know what you want and you will reach there. Eventually.

when silent speaks

"Our lives begin to end the day we become silent about things that matter."
-Martin Luther King Jr

I respect this man for his bravery and contribution to civil rights. He is a hero. I do not know that our dear prime minister is a big fan of him too until today. I wish everything would turn back to normal after the peaceful rally by Bersih 2.0 until he lied. The rally shows the world of our maturity, unity and desire for clean and fair election. I am proud to be a Malaysian.

Our prime minister is really good in speaking, i think he took Martin Luther King Jr as his role model in speaking. Tell you what...you failed in imitating his style especially the enthusiasm. As you were talking, your eyes were filled with fear, fear of the lies coming out from your mouth. You could not even look into your people's eyes when you are speaking.

He said the rally only represented minority and he urged those 'majority' to voice out their opinions. I classified myself as one of the majority in this matter (since I did not go to the rally) and this is what I want to say about Bersih 2.0.

My Saturday should be a relaxing and calm one but I couldn't stop myself from browsing through the internet and look for the latest news about Bersih 2.0.

I should be there.

If not of the stupid 'Akta Universiti dan Kolej Universiti 1971' which I had signed in order to enter local university I should be walking on that streets with those people. They were once the 'silent majority'. They are just ordinary people and do you think they would risk their lives just to create havoc out of nothing? They are Malaysians who can no longer bear your cruelty. They stood up for us and I salute them.

The best thing I had ever done on my 21st birthday was to walk to the post office and register myself as a voter. I can still remember that moment...

The officer at the counter was starring at me and asked,' do you want to register today? Why so soon?'
And I replied,'do I have to be 21 year and 1 day old to do this?'
And for the first time ever I walked out from post office with a big smile.

I am patiently waiting for my first general election and here is my message for our dear prime minister...

"Faith is taking the first step, even when you don't see the whole staircase."
-Martin Luther King Jr

We are just ordinary people but I believe that we can be the heroes in ourselves.

Here it comes again

When I put something into

deep thought

great wish

strong mind

big dream

they will come to me

in the most unusual way

at the most unusual time.

To test and to see if I am ready

I know I will be mentally and physically exhausted

but I also know that I will be psychologically strong.

I am ready

for what's coming to me.

I am ready

to face these few weeks of toughness.

As I am always ready.

Focus

Strongly focus on what I need and what I want

Believe in it and it will eventually come to me

This happens sometimes

Although it may come to me

Unpredictably

Unexpectedly

Sometimes I forget about it

But the subconsciousness will slowly awake

And I am back in the game again

Positive (2)

I am curious. Why some people always speak negative and demotivating words to themselves. It affects not only themselves but others as well. When someone does that I would turn away from that person.

You are pulling yourself down. Why do you want to involve me? They think I’m annoyed by their complaints but just think about it, whose fault is that?

It happens all the time.

Sometimes I wonder...

Are they playing psychology? Or it is just about the time management?

Maybe I can just self pretend as deaf and life goes on. I WON’T DEMOTIVATE OTHERS even I’m totally stressed out. At least I’m positive to myself when I find no positive energy around. Self-generated positive energy to keep things moving.

And it turns out that, I’m ahead of them. Psychologically and emotionally.

Positive

When you can run with your eyes close, you are not exercising, you are meditating. Of course, you have to be very familiar with the route.

It feels so calm when you hear nothing else but your footsteps and breathing. You won't feel tired during that time although it's just 3 seconds. I always do that especially when I feel stress. I seldom express stress to people, I prefer to lose it somewhere deep in my thought.

Life is a long distance run. You have a long journey ahead and you have to take it step by step. You can slow down but don't ever stop because you need extra energy to start all over again.

Whenever you feel tired, slow down and feel the energy around you. Take the positive energy and leave those negative ones. You will get something unexpected.

Seeing is believing?

Sometimes, I sit down and start thinking of all the happenings. The earthquake and the people around me. I realized that our thinking is often affected by others.

Take the Japanese nuclear plant incident for example. People posted all over facebook, trying to spread the news about the radiation that was about to hit Malaysia and to stay away from the rain. I got myself soaking wet that day and started to worry if the news was true. It was a fraud and I started asking, 'Hey people, do you ever verify the facts posted on facebook? Don't just simply copy and post what ever you read. You may end up creating rumors of fake news among your friends.'

I blame no one except myself. "Seeing is believing" but sometimes it's wrong even if you see it for yourself.

Hmmm...then I believe there is something to do with our education system. Malaysians especially students are taught to accept whatever that is given by teachers, even if you don't understand. We never learn to analyse facts and just simply swallow everything without digesting.

Genius

Recently I posted on my facebook, "Jing Yi changes her perception towards the definition of 'talented person'. And realizes that she is not talented at all." And I commented, "genius has no difference with idiot if you get kick around like an empty can. Thanks guys, I'm fine here...just admiring the special kind of talent that I have yet to learn."

People change their perception towards one certain thing throughout the different stages in their life. Genius is not the one score full mark in the class. Genius is not the one who graduates with first class honor. Look at those successful people out there, the rich people, the presidents, the prime ministers. They are not genius ones during their academic years but they outshine their friends later on when they enter the society. While the genius end up being an ordinary person or even working under the less genius people.

Here is my definition for genius. Genius is a person with the ability to achieve whatever their want to achieve by manipulating the 'so-called genius' to gain advantages over to itself. In other word, make use people's knowledge and skills and you gain profit out of their effort. Those successful people are really good in delegating works.

I have experienced it on that day I posted the status. OK! I admit that case is the reason for such thoughts. I have prepared everything as what I am doing for weeks. The name not to be mentioned walked in and told me that 'I know who' is not coming. One week back, 'I know who' self volunteered to play an important role. And 'I know who' threw a bomb to me, just minutes before things were about to start. And I ended up covering 'I know who's role with myself having some other things to play as well.

I managed to pull it off but I am not sure what is 'I know who' going to throw on me next week. I am fearless since that is what 'I know who' does to me almost all the time. 'I know who' is a true genius and I felt so untalented. Being treated like an empty can, kick around all the time. Hmmm...perhaps 'I know who' is training my critical and creative thinking skills.

What's for next week?

Next

Stepping out from the comfort zone is something hard for many people. As for me, I did it a few times. Wilderness Adventure, Outward Bound, Mount Kinabalu, marathons.

I realised that you will never understand the potential you have in yourself. The only way is to do things that you won't do in daily life.

And now, I'm thinking of the next out-of-comfort zone thing to do. Hmmm, perhaps...

=S

Hmmm...I won't say I'm good in predicting but this time I'm so certain that my prediction six months ago is RIGHT. I won't want to volunteer because I want him to know that I'm the one who is running the club for the past six months. Both internal and external. At least show something la...

The abandoned dream

I dreamed of a weird dream.

A dream I made to myself many years back.

And strange it appeared in my dream this many years later.

I still remember the dream.

A dream that few people would make.

And I shall find some courage to chase after it again.

I must push myself

A challenging journey awaits

And talk to myself,"giving up is not an option."